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THE JERUSALEM JOURNAL Friday April 14, 2017
Jerusalem — IP — Israeli police have reported the arrest and imprisonment of a pacifist riot leader named Juses. According to a source in the Ministry of the Interior, “This cult leader, magician, and fakir led a riotous mob through the gates of our Holy City riding the back seat of a rusty VW Beetle convertible.”
Juses, who looks like a 60’s era American hippie, has lead people out into the desert to weekend retreats by the Dead Sea, and deluded many people into believing his outrageous claims. A close associated has confirmed this man’s schizophrenic hallucinations of God.
One of his repentent revolutionaries informed the Secret Police that they were holding an all-night party and would be leading a revolutionary party meeting near their base of operations outside of the city in an Arab orchard. Overnight polls indicate most Israelis are happy about the arrest of this radical, because of his pacifist tendencies. Rabbis and mullahs have asked for his arrest. Christians have also pleaded with authorities to arrest Juses because of his blasphemy.
Hard-core members of this radical, extremist splinter group were said to number no more than a dozen, and eleven have been caught. A few hundred people are supportive of it, most from northern Israel and Syrian infiltrators from the Golan Heights. All are now fugitives from the law and many are hiding with Arab sympathizers. Local officials are asking for help in finding more.
Juses is being held in the Prince of Peace Mental Hospital in Jerusalem on 66 charges of fraud, treason, inciting riots, entering the old section of Jerusalem without a parade permit, and other felonies and misdemeanors. He has released no statement in regard to these charges on his behalf. He will represent himself.
The trial will be over by the end of this week. If convicted, sentences for the combined offences would probably be death by electrocution, which is expected soon.